Drunken Dream
by Icequeenlost
Summary: A night out after a rough case. And a little too much to drink can lead to some pretty crazy nightmares or perhaps a reality that is even better than you ever dreamed. This is a Jemily fic
1. drunken dream

_A/N:: hey yall so this is a rewrite of the first fanfic I ever wrote, this is a criminal minds remake of an svu story I have up so yes most is the same but I intend to keep this one going. So if you have read the original yes it is my work so don't tell me I stole it please. Any other reviews are welcome. Disclaimer I do not own criminal minds or Emily and JJ anyway enjoy this story._

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Sitting at A table in their favorite bar, Emily watched as the guys each took another shot. She was happy to be drinking her jack and coke and laughing as the guys kept knocking them back. However, she was not alone in her small discontentment of their behavior because on the other side of the table sat one of the most beautiful woman Emily had ever seen. Petite, blonde, a perfect smile and the greatest mix of sexy, sarcastic and brains she had ever known. This was Jenifer Jareau the woman she had wanted from the first moment she saw her. They had some ups and downs but had become really close one would almost call them best friends. Emily hadn't noticed but she must have been staring at the blonde sipping her white wine because her partner Morgan nudged her arm a bit.

"Well if you're going to stare you could at least buy her a drink." she said just audible to her ear

"Oh shut it." she smarted back hitting him in the shoulder and giving him a death glare.

Morgan had guessed that she had some sort of feelings for JJ but hadn't been able to get her to confirm them and maybe that was because she didn't know them for herself. Emily and Derek had been in a staring contest that when they looked back at the table Dave had just slid JJ another shot. The woman was already on her second glass of wine and now her third shot she was defiantly tipsy.

" I think I need the little girls room" JJ said in her giggle voice which she only got when she was drunk she stood up from her chair and almost feel right back into it. Emily immediately jumped up and reached for her friend holding her close.

"Ok restroom first then maybe we should get you home." she told the blonde

"Em, I'm fine, really." she said standing on her own and then reaching across the table to grab a shot that Dave was about to drink.

"No fair that was mine." he called to her as Emily was pulling her to the restroom, holding her up, as she could now barley walk in her heels.

Maybe JJ took this case a little harder than Emily had thought. But she had won it for them, she was Amazing in the integration and that child raping, murdering bastard was in jail. JJ should be happy that's why they were all out celebrating but Emily knew her best friend to well and right now, whatever was going on in JJ's head was not anything good. She helped her to the restroom and waited by the sink.

"Thank you." JJ told her as she washed up "think I over did it." she asked.

"Maybe just a bit." She told her as she placed a hand on her shoulder "let's get you home."

And with that JJ fell into her arms feeling herself get dizzy and nearly black out. Emily wrapped her up and they went back to the table, said good bye to the boys who had just ordered another round, grabbed their bags and went outside. JJ so fragile and helpless looked up from Emily's arms and smiled.

"You're amazing" she whispered.

Emily just smiled as she petted the blonde's hair she knew in that moment she had wanted to kiss the woman but knew she couldn't. She shook off the overwhelming feeling she had and hailed a cab.

"Where to lady's" the cabbie asked. Emily was about to say JJ's address when a hand covered her mouth and the blonde gave him Emily's instead.

She looked down at the beautiful woman lying in her lap confused.

"Please Emmy I don't want to go home" those glisten blue eyes looking up at her.

"Ok, ok you can spend the night with me" she told JJ.

While having this conversation they hadn't realized they were already outside the profiler's apartment building they paid the cabby and headed up stairs. Emily having to hold JJ up as they climbed the stairs they got to the door and even before it was fully open. The blonde had pushed herself inside and darted strait for the bathroom she could hear her throwing up again but she couldn't help but laugh. The most, cool, calm, collected, woman she knew was sitting on her bathroom floor completely wasted. She grabbed a glass from the kitchen and headed for the bathroom.

"Jayje" she called as she cracked open the door the woman on her knees leaning into the toilet just turned. The look in her eyes said what she couldn't at the moment 'I'm so sorry I'm behaving like a child.' The brunette nodded and filled the glass with water and held it out to JJ.

"Drink up" she spoke soft and comforting the woman did as she was told.

After another hour it seemed there was nothing in her system left to toss. She leaned back onto the floor exhausted Emily sitting by her side, Laughing.

"I don't think I have been the drunk except the day I graduated the academy." JJ said.

"Yeah it's a bit past training hun" Emily smarted back, "come on let's get you to bed." The brunette stood and went towards the door.

"Emmy" JJ called trying not to giggle

"Yes "

"I can't get up"

Emily turned back toward her friend and leaned over her for a moment then scooped her up in her arms, JJ was shocked Emily could hold her but it's not like the woman was very heavy anyway. JJ felt strange being in Emily's arms but yet too tired to fight it. She curled her head into the others chest and closed her eyes. It was only for a little while that Emily held the woman she had a giant crush on, but that bit of time was all it took this was the woman she wanted to love, the one who needed to be cared for, the one who so desperately needed to be loved. She set the blonde on the bed and began to take off her sweat covered clothes leaving her only in her tank top and panties. JJ smiled.

"Well agent, are you planning on taking advantage of me" JJ whispered as she lay back in the bed, she was joking after all or was she.

Emily knew how much she wanted that to be true but even if somewhere inside of JJ was any desire for the brunette; she had too much respect for her to even consider it. She pulled the blankets up and tucked her in.

"Wouldn't dream of it" she whispered as she leaned in to kiss JJ's for head but in that moment JJ moved her head and their lips meet each other's. Emily pulled back rather confused she reached for the extra blanket and headed to the door she was sure she was sleeping on the couch tonight but a small voice stopped her.

"It's ok to dream" JJ said before all but passing out.


	2. awake

Her heart pounding, her body sweating and her eyes crying, she shot up in the bed that was not hers and let out a loud cry. She had fallen asleep so peacefully in her drunken state last night that she was even shocked by her rude awakening. Nightmares were nothing new for the Agent but she felt even worse about this one because this time she was not alone, she was not in her bed or with her things she was here and just as that thought crossed her mind, there she was standing in the doorway her eyes shining her whole body wrapped in the rays of sunlight just beginning to peek in through the windows her hair tossed so it just fell perfectly and a concerned smile on her face.

"My angel " JJ whispered only to her ear.

"Jayje, are you ok" Emily spoke softly as not to frighten the woman.

"yes I'm ok , I'm sorry Em I didn't mean to wake you" JJ replied her heart sinking in her chest , this was her best friend and a woman she was pretty sure she had feelings for and she had cared for her in her drunken childish state last night and this is how I repay her she thought.

"It's ok JJ, I'm just glad you're safe" the older woman spoke as she crossed to the edge of the bed and sat down at JJ's feet. Reaching a hand and placing it on the blonde's leg she didn't want to move to quickly as she really wasn't sure what the nightmare had been about.

"Want to talk about it" she asked the woman lying in her bed.

By now a million thoughts were dancing around in her head, what was her nightmare was it really that bad. How drunk was she last night what had she done what had she said did any of it matter, the kiss she remembered the kiss. She shook her head and a small tear ran down her cheek she was so drunk last night but Emily was still here she hadn't scared her off; then again it was Emily's apartment. She looked up to see those bright brown eyes looking deep into hers, did she have feelings to did she want to kiss her now she smiled when she noticed she hadn't answered the question yet.

"you know I don't even know what it was about" she said with a bit calmer tone as she reached her hand out and placed it on top of Emily's never breaking eye contact." I'm so sorry about last night, how can I ever repay you" what she meant to say was 'how I can ask if you love me, if you want me if I'm not crazy' but in her mind those words were crazy and she knew it.

"Jayje come on you are my best friend no thanks needed, it happens to all of us sometimes. But know that if you ever want to talk about anything I'm here" the Agent smiled as she slid her hand out from the other she could see a slight bit of confusion in JJ's eyes "how about some coffee"

Jenifer nodded .

JJ pulled the sheets suddenly aware she only had on her bra and panties she looked around for her suit that she had last night but it was nowhere to be seen then she saw folded on The dresser a pair of jeans and a t shirt. JJ knew that Emily had left them there for her last night her suit must be in the wash. The blonde couldn't help but smile she put the outfit on and oddly enough they fit perfectly which JJ thought was weird given they were not even close to the same size. She walked out to the living room and sat down on the couch watching Emily pour them coffee. The brunette walked over and handed her the cup.

"Thanks" JJ spoke.

"You're welcome" Emily replied as she sat down next to her.

Taking a sip of her coffee Emily began to speak JJ was glad she wouldn't even know where to begin.

"Your suit is in the wash by the way, glad you found the clothes" she told her.

"They are nice, but how is it that if these are yours they fit me perfectly" the blonde questioned.

Emily took a few more sips of her drink before answering with a laugh.

"Ok don't get mad or anything. She said in a giggly tone "they are not mine, the belong to someone I care about very much"

JJ could feel her heart sink 'of course Emily was with someone who was she kidding a woman like that'

"Oh will she mind" the blue eyed woman spoke with just a hint of heart break in her voice

"You know I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know they are gone, which is a shame because she looks so dam sexy in that pair of jeans" Emily said jokingly

Just when JJ was near tears she had made a complete fool of herself last night hell she had kissed Emily now she had to sit here and listen to the woman she would give anything to be with talk about another. She was so lost in her own head she hadn't realized that Emily was now next to her and had her hand firmly on JJ's thigh the blonde tilted her head and looked into the others eyes.

"Who is she" she said in confusion.

Emily knew at this point JJ clearly was not following and was beginning to become hurt she spoke in an upbeat tone hoping maybe she would make her best friend smile with her words.

"Just this Amazing, stunning ,brilliant, wonderful, blonde" Emily said brushing JJ's hair out of her face there it was that one small tear that fell from those blue eyes but Emily kept talking " Talented , Agent, oh and my best friend who happened to get insanely drunk last night and slept in my bed" she laughed.

This time JJ did smile and laugh at how silly she had just been but wait did that mean she has feelings for her, she just said all these lovely things and the blonde could now feel Emily's hand gliding across the jeans.

"But how long have you had these" she asked trying not to hold her head down in shame

"You left a bag in my car about a year ago, I meant to give them back but kept forgetting" the brunette replied.

"Ok I'm sorry I was acting childish again, I promise I am a mature classy woman" she smiled as she picked up her coffee cup and drank it with her pinky in the air.

Both girls burst into laughter happy to just have moment to forget that life was serious, but that hope was shattered by the words that filled the apartment next. Words JJ would have liked not to hear because she had no way of responding. But Emily spoke them anyway.

"So about that kiss


	3. darkness

A/N:: Hey everyone thanks for the follows and faves. And thanks you to the one review I got. Ok so this is the last chapter before we get into some major angst so there will be a trigger waning on the next chapter. But anyway enjoy and please review or message me if you like this story they make me super happy.

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Her body froze and her eyes locked to the woman who had just asked the question. JJ may have been really drunk last night but she did know what she was doing; now her only problem was to explain it.

"Em I …. I … I was drunk" was all the blonde could manage to say she wasn't sure if the feelings would be returned but then again how could Emily had just said all those nice things.

"Oh ok then" Emily replied as she pulled her hand away from the blonde and let her head glance down in sheer disappointment. She slid to the far end of the couch and there was pure silence between the women, which was only broken by a loud crack of thunder followed by a giant down pour, JJ jumped into the air she hated thunderstorms she let out a small whimper.

"It's ok Jayje, you can stay till it stops if you want" Emily spoke without looking at her.

"Thanks" she replied trying to figure out why Em wouldn't look at her, had she did something was Emily mad at her.

Emily had walked to the window to look outside the rain was pounding the windows and the lightning was positively blinding. The streets had already begun to flood this was not going to be a quick storm and now she was trapped in her apartment with the woman she wanted more than anything that she was too embarrassed to look at. She sat back on the couch JJ still hadn't moved she wished she could say something but yelling I love you please hold me just didn't seem right.

"here" Emily said handing JJ the remote "watch something I'm going to take a shower" all the time never making eye contact which in JJ's mind was a good thing because right then a large tear fell down her cheek.

"Emily wait" JJ finally spoke as Emily hit her bedroom door.

She turned and stared at JJ with a look that said now what do you want. JJ took a deep breath losing to fight back more tears.

"Are you that afraid of the storm" she asked trying to lighten up her expression, angry or not this was still her best friend sitting on her couch crying.

JJ shook her head "I'm afraid of losing you" those ice blue eyes glittering and her pale skin shaking.

"what are you talking about I'm right here" she asked the crying blonde was this some hangover thing or was this JJ the real JJ, the scared and loving emotional ,kind hearted person that no one other than the victims and there family's ever gets to see. She moved to sit on the arm of the couch across from the younger Agent and gave her a rather concerned look.

"Please just stay" JJ spoke as she moved her hand to the empty spot on the couch. She didn't really know what else to do but she couldn't let her leave she was afraid that even if she left the room any chance they had would be washed away with the rain which was beginning to get worse. She looked to the window and then to Emily who had grabbed the remote off the table and flipped the news on.

"Storm of the century, all non-essential personal stay inside, do not leave your homes" flashed across the screen this meant that unless they got a call for a major emergency they were both staying put. Emily slid down onto the couch and turned on the DVD player.

"Movie" she asked the blonde who simply nodded her head. Emily just hit play not really knowing what movie was in there but it was a happy surprise when it turned out to be JJ's favorite 'Mean Girls'. Both girls couldn't help but laugh when the title popped up however it did lighten the mood a bit and gave JJ a chance to speak.

"Don't even say it." she shot ice beams out of those lovely blue eyes. "You know it's my favorite and you know I am not a shallow ditsy blonde and much to the augment of spencer I was never a mean girl" she spouted.

"Of course not "they both laughed then they sat for the next half of the movie silently it was getting later in the afternoon now and the sky was growing darker the rain hadn't let up one single bit. But neither woman had even noticed, JJ was to content, her eyes focused on the screen reciting every word and Emily so intent on watching JJ the way her hair fell around her shoulders, the way her lips moved, those soft pink lips that she had kissed last night and that stunning focus the blonde held it was at that moment Emily was so lost watching JJ she hadn't noticed the woman was now watching her. Both burst into laughter they were glad that things seemed normal, after only a few hours ago JJ was crying. They held the stare in each other's eyes wondering who was going to speak but neither knew what to say when there gaze fell back to the TV the movie had ended.

"Aw we missed the best part" JJ whined

Emily gave one of her eye rolls and laughed "I think I had my own Girl to watch" she said placing her hand in the center of the couch. JJ saw her hand there the hand that had comforted her so many times she wanted to hold it now but she knew she had to explain first.

"Em I am truly sorry"

"About what" the other woman asked

"My behavior earlier" she told her

"Whatever are you talking about, you had a nightmare you were scared and you hate storms Jay" Trying to laugh it off.

"I mean your question… the kiss" JJ said holding her head down in shame.

Emily sighed she didn't know what to say, then again she also knew that JJ's voice had that I'm not done tone, it was soft but it was there.

Still not looking up because she did not want to see what the expression that Emily's face would hold she spoke.

"How do I say this, how do I tell you, I, mean its crazy, you can't, you're not, I'm not, the job, the guys our boss" she kept rambling on and on. Emily found this whole thing very cute but decided to put an end to it.

"Jayje" she said firmly placing one hand on the blondes chin forcing eye contact "calm down…. Please"

JJ was silent and she nodded her head and looked into Emily's eyes as one small tear again fell out of those ice blue eyes.

"Don't cry JJ" Emily said as she reached her hand up and placed it on the others cheek using her thumb to brush away the tear.

The hand on her cheek felt warm and soft she didn't want it to leave she moved her hand so it was now on top of Emily's and she whispered.

"I think I love you"

"I know" said the brunette

"No Em "she said moving their hands in-between them and adding the other two " I mean I… am in love with you"

"I know" Emily said again. JJ's eyes became sad once more she was certainly not getting the response she wanted out of the woman.

"well I'm glad you know" the blonde said in her most sarcastic tone as she released hands and got up and walked over to the window she looked up at the almost pitch black sky. Emily was shocked but knew that for even as smart as JJ was sometimes she did miss the obvious. Emily rose to her feet and walked over to the blonde wrapped her arms around the smaller woman's waist, leaned up on her toes and whispered.

"No Jay, I meant …I know I am in love with you" and kissed the woman on the neck.

JJ turned with a smile and walked Emily back to the couch still in each other's arms and pushed her onto it, Emily giggled and JJ leaned onto and kissed her slow and deep their hands interlaced and their breath growing weaker. They had both wanted this for a long time and could feel the energy between them. JJ finally sat up and helped up Emily still holding hands they knew there were no words that seemed good enough to say but smiles.

"I have loved you from the moment I saw you" Emily told her.

"it may have taken me a little longer" she smiled

They both laughed but there laughed was soon interrupted by a large roar of thunder and a crack of lightning and the, oh so familiar sound of a power outage. Neither woman caring they were now sitting in the dark JJ asked the question.

"Where does this leave us" she said.

"Well in the dark for now" Emily laughed

Both girls burst into a laughing fit once more and laid back onto the couch cuddled in each other's arms


	4. the game

_A/N:: hey yall trigger warning for this chapter child abuse , rape and self harm. not overly detailed but still. if you wish to skip that section stop reading when JJ says childhood. Ill give a PG rated recap at the start of the next chapter. ok now that's done thanks for the reviews follows and faves they make me supper happy. anyway enjoy._

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They were on that couch for what seemed like forever, which for both women was just fine. They lay there wrapped in each other's arms not talking not kissing just lying. The room was so silent that all they could hear was the patter of the now fading raindrops and the fast passed beats of each other's hearts both took comfort in the fact that they could be so close and just needed to be held. It was after a good two hours that JJ finally spoke however the words that came from those prefect pink lips were not what Emily would have wanted to hear.

"Um Em"

"Yes Jayje"

"This may sound bad"

"Please don't leave "she interjected.

"Oh heavens no, I just really need to pee"

Both woman burst out laughing Emily mainly out of feeling so stupid but at least they both knew now that the insecurities were on both sides. Emily released her grip on JJ and handed her a cell phone flipping to the flashlight app.

"Here"

"Thanks, I'll be right back" the blonde stood and turned to the bathroom "don't go anywhere" she laughed.

"Wouldn't dream of it" Emily sat up on the couch draping her hand over the armrest as she stared in the blondes direction. It was still too dark to see anything but that was ok Emily had just spent the past two hours running her hand along that perfect body she didn't need to see, but dam did it look good. JJ came out a few minutes later, still holding the phone as the flash light she sat on the couch across from Emily. She set the phone flashlight side up in the middle of the sofa both women were looking into the others eyes the light making them glow even more than normal.

"How long do we think the power will be out" JJ asked.

"Not sure, it should be fixed soon"

"That's good" she spoke, with a sort of uneasy tone in her voice.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing really, believe me its stupid"

"Are you sure, is it something I did" Emily was wondering if she had done anything to upset JJ.

"No no no , you are wonderful it's just um" even in the dim lighting it was clear to see the tears that were forming behind those ice blue eyes. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"You can tell me anything "

"Promise not to laugh its really rather embarrassing"

"Oh course, Agents honor I mean come on what are you afraid of the dark too " she giggled.

"You said you wouldn't laugh"

"Wait you are serious" she could tell by the lack of response from JJ that this was true, she looked to the blonde who was holding her head in shame. JJ knew her fears were silly well to most people to most people who didn't know her past and that's what she had to tell herself, that this beautiful woman in front of her only knew the very first layer behind the mask not the muscle and bones beneath. The blonde let a few tears fall more at the memories that held her fears then having the love of her life giggle. Emily could see it in those eyes she loved so much the pain and terror there was more to the story than the blonde was saying but she didn't want to pry. She reached for JJ's arm tugging at it till the women caved in and slid over to her; she placed one hand under her chin and looked her in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know, tell you what, you sit here and I'll go get some candles and a few glasses of wine then we can play a game."

JJ did not speak but nodded her head she knew now that if she was ever going to have a chance at keeping Emily she would need to tell the truth. Things she would just rather soon forget she knew Emily's greatest secret she had an abortion at the age of 15 but all of the things she had been though made her who she was. JJ didn't know if she felt the same about her own past or not. While JJ was drifting into the depths of her mind Emily was scurrying around lighting every candle she could find after about five minutes the glow in the apartment was about as bright as Times Square on New Year's. Emily poured two glasses of white wine and sat back on the couch.

"Better?" she asked.

"Thank you "she said as she took her hand in hers. "So about this game"

"Yeah what would you like chess, cards, backgammon"

"No I stink at all of those how about truth or dare"

"Really what are we teenage girls at a slumber party"

"Come on please"

"Really"

"Yes really now truth or dare"

"Fine dare" she was going along with this seeing as JJ was smiling again and she would do anything to see that amazing smile.

"OK hum, alright I dare you to uh kiss me" she smiled

"Oh this kind of truth or dare" she leaned over and kissed the blonde slow and deep she pulled back and smiled.

"Your turn truth or dare"

"Truth"

Emily was puzzled by her answer not the way she thought this game was going but maybe JJ wanted to tell her something but then again why didn't she just do that. Maybe she needed Emily to ask the right questions. She really didn't know but asked the first thing that came to her mind.

"What's one thing you hate?"

"Being called Jen" the woman saw the hurt in Emily's eyes it was her favorite nickname for her.

"You never said anything before"

"Look Emily that's because there are only a few people who have ever called me that and they were both people who loved me very much. They were people I loved and cared for, that's why I love it when it comes from you because it means you care enough to want to be different"

Emily smiled she was happy that she was breaking her walls down she wasn't sure what to say next.

"Truth" she said hoping that continuing the game would get them somewhere.

"Ok" JJ smiled "how old were you your first time"

"JJ" Emily questioned

"You said truth so truth it is"

"Why do you want to know that anyway?"

"Just answer the question " turning on her press voice.

"Fine fourteen"

"Wow"

"Yeah I know, believe me if I could take it back I would"

"Ok um I pick truth"

Emily knew at this point there were more than likely not going to be any more dare's in this game she didn't want to upset JJ but there had been a question she had been dying to ask.

"What are your nightmares about" JJ froze once again she knew what Emily was asking and knew the answer well work of course. Was not going to be accepted the woman had been haunted by nightmares longer then she really cared to remember but she knew getting out of this was not about to happen.

"My childhood"

Both women looked at each other studying the others face if they were in an interrogation this would be one sight to see they both knew the game was over and as much as those words were meant to stay in her head, they didn't.

"Why" Emily asked confused as to what could be so wrong with her perfect best friend the pretty blonde born into small town life who had created a successful life.

She fought back tears but she began to speak slow and steady, a speech pattern she had heard many a victim use but she was not a victim of anything she was Agent Jenifer Jareau and she was not a victim.

"There are things that no one knows about me a lot of things in fact"

"Jen I didn't mean, if you don't want to tell me you don't have too"

"no I need to just please there are some rules here ok " Emily nodded " one you don't get to look at me any different than you do right now, two you do not ever breath a word of this to anyone, and three you don't get to hate me"

"JJ, nothing you tell me could ever and I repeat ever make me hate you" she leaned in and kissed her.

The blonde brought her fingers to her lips as if she really thought that would be the last kiss she ever got from Emily because after what she was about to say how could anyone love her, want her, she was damaged and broken she knew telling this story would be hard but she did her best not to cry as she began.

"It started when I was six we had a family get together there really weren't a lot of kids in my family so my sister Rosaline, she was 11 that summer. We were playing upstairs we were supposed to have gone to bed ,when our favorite uncle came in he looked at us and said what pretty young ladies you are we both laughed"

JJ paused to take a breath. Emily could sense where this was going and wasn't sure she wanted to hear it but there had to be more because JJ had never even mentioned she had a sister before.

"Jayje you don't have …"

"Yes I do" she jumped in taking Emily's hand she continued. "We didn't know anything was wrong or weird until he had followed us back into Rosaline's bedroom he had closed the door behind him and then pushed a dresser in front of it he told us to take off our clothes and get on her bed I started crying she told me to just do what he said he had a knife, he posed us and took pictures then he" she broke down tears flooding down her face.

"It's ok, take your time" Emily knew that JJ would not want to be treated like a victim but she was out of ideas.

"he raped her while I watched I couldn't do anything she saw screaming so loud but said if I sat there quite I wouldn't get it as bad, well he didn't rape me, but he made me watch as he did things to her and had her do things to him " she stopped "god I must sound like I am a child right now"

"JJ you were six, you were a child and however you feel is the best way to tell me this is fine, or you can stop" Emily tried to reassure her but what could she do.

"He left that night with the threat that if we said anything he would kill us and our parents. We didn't see him for a month. I don't know why we didn't say anything I mean he was our moms only brother but still he and those photos thank god the internet wasn't around. I wish I had talked before he came to live with us but I didn't. We were told that he was coming to look after us as my parents were both working fulltime and they didn't want to pay a nanny but that meant he was left alone with us."

She squeezed Emily's hand tighter as she felt another wave of guilt, anger, fear and most visibly tears filling her body.

"How long did it go on?"

"About a year, some nights he would only go to one room others he would want us together I was lucky in some ways. He said he loved me more and didn't want to hurt me and because I was so little and frail he only ever kissed me and held me he would run his hands over me. That was until the night he had spent with Roz he told her I was getting bigger and that he could love us in the same way now . Rosaline had come home just a little early from school and broke into my parents' bedroom she went to the safe where dad kept his gun, not sure how she got the code but she did."

Tears pouring down her face JJ knew it was getting harder to breathe she wanted to stop but she was so close to getting this out she had to keep going. By this time Emily had moved to the side of the couch and was holding JJ in her arms gently brushing her hair.

"Rosaline thought that he would go to her room first but he didn't he came to me, she heard my screams as he pushed me onto the bed, she didn't know if she was to late but she had to stop him so my eleven year old sister ran into my room with a gun drawn, and didn't even think she just shot two bullets to his back, he fell onto the bed. I looked over to my sister who was lying on the floor the kickback from the gun had knocked her down and she hit her head on the floor"

Laying her head into Emily's chest she was crying so hard she didn't think she would ever stop.

"it's ok really , let it out , I'm here for you"

"The cops came a few minutes later, guess the neighbors had called. My parents met me at the hospital the next day by then I had told the cops everything but Rosaline was in a coma. It's my fault I should have told I should have done something and then she'd still be here she wouldn't have gotten hurt trying to save me"

"What happened to her after that" Emily asked.

"She woke up two weeks later, and she was ok for a few years and we were always close but after that she protected me more but once she turned sixteen she changed, she was distant from the rest of the family and spent a lot of time in her room. Then one day a few weeks after her seventeenth birthday she came into my room, she told me that she would always love me no matter what and she gave me her favorite necklace, I thought it was odd but she just told me she wanted me to have it. I hugged her and that was the last conversation I had with her." JJ tried to finish but the words and begun to turn into sobs she looked toward Emily.

"I found her the next morning she had slit her wrists in the bath"

JJ cried for about an hour Emily was glad she finally knew the truth and that the women she loved had trusted her so much. She had held her in her arms for that hour when the blonde pushed away. She looked into Emily's eyes and when she saw that she had followed rule number one she couldn't help but cry more.

"How can you look at me like that?"

"Like what" Emily questioned

"Like you still love me, like you love me more"

"I do love you more, you're not a bad person, and none of what you told me was your fault"

"Really are you sure I haven't shattered your perfect vision of me the always put together agent,"

"Never"

"How can you still hold me, and look at me I'm damaged and broken and used do you know what it's like to be hurt by people who are supposed to love you, to be looked at like you're a leper, to wish every day that you were dead do you" she shouted

"Wow Jenifer you really can be a heartless, I know you're hurt and scared but yes I do know what it's like to be looked at that way, at least you had parents who stood by you and loved you"

Realizing what she had said JJ felt her heart break how could she be so careless and hurtful. She looked around the room at the melting candles and shook her head.

"I'm so sorry" as she spoke there was a loud crack the power had come back on she looked at Emily who looked as though she could punch something.

"Told you, you would hate me"

And with that JJ bolted from the apartment and ran down the stairs and out onto the buildings porch the streets were still flooded but the rain had let up a bit the blonde fell to the concrete steps and cried as the rain drops hit her face. What had she done?


	5. Warmth

Sitting on the couch she looked around the room with tear filled eyes. Why did she yell at JJ, why did she let her leave, she knew she wouldn't have gone far, her keys and purse were still here. Emily stumbled to her feet and began to blow out all the candles. She felt her heart break here she was having just found the love of her life and she let her go. JJ must have been hurting after all it couldn't have been easy to tell that story. For the strong and fearless blonde to admit she might be broken but that was ok with Emily, she was broken too, and maybe just maybe they could fix each other. With the last candle out and her tears slowly fading she knew she had to go find JJ bring her back here and talk. Emily grabbed her jacket, keys and cell phone and went in search of her love.

The steps were cold the air was cold in fact she was cold JJ had been sitting on the steps for nearly twenty minutes but could not find the strength to move. She had not stopped crying that entire time, she had hurt the woman she loved, and how could she have said that awful thing. Why couldn't she have kept her mouth shut why did she have to tell her anything? But what's done is done the only thing now would be to go and beg forgiveness. JJ pulled herself up and turned to walk back into the apartment building. She stepped in and the warmth hit her like a wave it was then she realized she was shivering. But even the building warmth did not cheer her up as much as the pair of eyes she saw at the bottom of the stairs.

"Emily"

"Oh my god JJ you're soaked and shivering" she ran to the blonde and threw her jacket over her.

"I'm sorry Emily"

"I know, me too, now please let's get you upstairs and dried off"

JJ did not speak but nodded her head as Emily led her back to the apartment. They got inside and Emily went to the bathroom and JJ stood by the kitchen frozen the smell of the blown out candles filled her nose she heard the water being to run she followed her into the bedroom and stood in the doorway to the bathroom.

"What are you doing?"

"Starting you a nice hot bath we have to get you warm"

"Thank you" she said barely above a whisper.

Once the bath was drawn Emily reached for her Jacket and slid past JJ she was about to close the bathroom door when a voice made her pause.

"Don't leave me"

"But you need a bath Jen "

"I know but stay, please"

Emily could see the hurt in those blue eyes but was this really how she had envisioned seeing her love naked for the first time, no.

"Tell you what , you get in I'll go start a pot of Tea and come back"

"Emily"

"Yes"

"Thanks"

Emily nodded and headed for the kitchen to start a pot of hot water. JJ peeled the wet clothes off and laid them on the sink. She was stepping in letting her toes hit the water as Emily reentered. Emily scanned the woman's body her every curve her pale skin her blonde locks falling down around her she was stunning. JJ had slid all the way in the tub before she saw Emily in the doorway. She flashed her smile and motioned for her to sit down next to her. She reached out of the water and took the brunettes hand and kissed it.

"I'm sorry I ran"

"I shouldn't have yelled either"

"I never meant to hurt you Emily; I would never want to hurt you"

"Yes I know, I'm sorry about your sister and your uncle"

"Thank you and thanks for taking care of me"

"Anytime, I love you Jayje and there is nothing that will ever change that"

"Sure about that" she took her other hand and splashed a puddle of water in Emily's face both woman laughed.

"Yes I'm sure" as she leaned in and kissed JJ on the lips.

JJ splashed her again getting her shirt wet this time Emily looked into JJ's eyes , the light from that morning was back she was glad that they were going to move past this but right now she was still being pelted with water. A small smirked crossed the blondes face as Emily leaned back from the tub.

"Agent jareau are you trying to make me take my top off"

"Me never" she said with a slight giggle.

After about ten minutes Emily went to go find another set of clothes for JJ, she set a tank top pair of sweats and clean panties on the bed then went back into the bathroom the blonde was smiling up at her and pointed to the towel on the rack. Emily took the towel and held it open. JJ climbed out and the brunette wrapped her in the warm cloth drying her off happy to have her close. They headed into the bedroom.

"There are fresh clothes for you; I'll go finish the tea"

"Three spoons of sugar and a drop of honey" she smiled

"Well now I don't think I can put a drop of me in it"

"Oh shut it Emily"

She exited the room and JJ was left alone to dry off and change, the blonde took her time putting on the dry clothes she wanted to think of what to say. She still could not understand why Emily wasn't mad and how she could still love her. Then again that made JJ wonder how she could truly love anyone if she didn't love herself. She made her way back to the living room and sat on the couch next to Emily who handed her a cup of tea. She took one sip and smiled at the other women.

"Good" Emily asked

"Yes thank you it's perfect"

"Like you"

"Don't start Emily"

"But I mean it, your beautiful and strong, sweet and loving "

"Please don't "The blonde shot her a death glare.

"Ok I'm sorry" realizing the woman was not going to believe her, she leaned in and kissed her forehead. She ran her hand over JJ's cheek and tucked a fallen strand of messy blonde hair behind her ear. Emily smiled seeing the hair brush on the table next to her.

"Sit in front of me on the floor" she told her

"What" the blonde was more than confused

Emily pulled the brush up and held it to her. "Calm down I just want to brush your hair" Emily laughed "Of course if you like the idea of using the hairbrush for other things we could always…" Emily was cut off by a small slap to her shoulder.

Laughing JJ did as she was told and leaned her head back into Emily's lap

"I can't brush it like that"

"No but you can kiss me like this"

Emily leaned down and kissed the woman's lips soft and slow they broke apart and JJ moved forward a bit so the other could reach her hair. Emily began to run the brush though the blonde's hair she was shocked at how easy it was to detangle. JJ closed her eyes it had been a while from the last time anyone brushed her hair, she loved having her hair played with she was falling into a slight trance when the brush hit a knot.

"Ouch be gentle" she said reaching for the brush

Emily pulled her hand away so JJ couldn't reach. "I'm sorry"

"It's ok" JJ giggled as Emily continued to brush her hair.

"So why are you doing all this again" the blonde questioned.

"Are you ever going to stop asking me that?"

"It's just strange to have someone take care of me I've been alone for so long"

"You're not alone; you have me and the guys"

"I know I know "JJ began to tear up.

Emily dropped the brush back on the side table and slid down behind JJ. She wrapped her arms around her waist and buried her head in her neck kissing it softly. The blonde laid her head on top of the brunettes.

"Don't ever leave me Emily" JJ whispered.

"I won't, I know your scared Jen, but we can get through this, you took a big step today"

"I know, a few actually" kissing Emily

"You may not see yourself as perfect, but I want you to know, you're the perfect woman for me"

JJ giggled "that was really cheesy"

The blonde turned around and climbed back onto the couch Emily followed

"Speaking of cheese, what's for dinner?"

It was around seven now they didn't even realized the whole day had passed. The road was still too wet for anyone to be on and Emily's cabinets were empty as normal. Emily had gotten up to check what was left in the fridge.

"I think that would be leftover pizza or Chinese"

"Eh heat up the Chinese food" JJ said walking into the kitchen

"Sorry I don't have real food"

"It beats ramen" she told her

They ate dinner and watched TV as they cuddled on the couch the rain had finally stopped. But JJ knew she didn't want to go home it was Saturday night and Monday they would be back at work she had one more day alone with Emily and she was going to make it count if she couldn't love herself she was going to love Emily with all her heart. It was eleven when the women decided it was time for bed Emily smiled and kissed JJ as she laid down on the couch.

"What, are you doing" the blonde said in a rather annoyed tone

"Giving you the bed"

"Oh no Emily Prentiss, you're coming with me" she pulled Emily up and walked her to the bedroom she closed the door and pushed her onto the bed. She jumped on top of it and kissed her. Then they both curled up under the covers Emily holding JJ close. As they drifted off to sleep JJ knew there would be no nightmares tonight, she was in the arms of her angel.


	6. Morning starshine

A/N:: hey guys thanks so much for the reviews follows and faves. Ok so this is the last chapter i have pre writ so updates make take a bit longer depending on my muse and such also i may write a one shot and start another story as well. Anyway enjoy this mostly fluffy chapter. ::

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The glow of sunlight filled her bedroom as her eyes opened slowly. She felt warm breath hit the skin on her arm, her brown eyes glanced over and a smile fell across her face. There she was the most beautiful blonde in the world and she was lying next to her. Emily could not believe it she was in bed with the one and only Jenifer Jareau. This was what she had wanted for so long, to hold her to kiss her to wake up each morning next to her she was so locked on her thoughts she hadn't noticed the small whimpers coming from the blonde. At first she thought JJ was having a nightmare but then she began to make out the words.

"mmmmm yes , oh yes" those soft pink lips whispered

Emily tried her best not to laugh she wondered if she should wake her but then again maybe that would just be more torture. The brunette sat up and wrapped an arm around the woman next to her but it was the next set of words that gave her an idea.

"Oh Emily yeah that's it" JJ spoke still fully asleep

"Beats a nightmare" she laughed to herself.

Emily moved her arm and gently pushed JJ onto her back. She then flipped on top straddling her she slowly began to kiss her, First on her forehead then the right cheek, left cheek, nose and finally on the lips. But the agent was a slave to her dream state Emily kissed the woman's neck and then moved to her ear she softly began to speak.

"JJ, get up hun" kissing her neck

"Open your eyes beautiful"

Kissing her ear again "JJ"

As her lips moved slowly to meet the others JJ began to stir she was slowly coming into reality. Emily kissed her again.

JJ could feel someone on her she could hear a voice talking but in her still partial sleep coma she wasn't sure who, her body tensed up out of fear she began to shake she wanted to open her eyes but was afraid of who she would see but that's when another kiss was placed on her lips and she knew she was safe. Her blue eyes fluttered open and she saw her love she had dreamed of waking up this way so many times and now it was real once lips were released she took a deep breath remembering she hadn't relaxed yet. She smiled up at Emily

"Good morning "she told her leaning up for another kiss.

"Well good morning to you too" Emily said sitting up and pulling JJ with her.

Ice blue eyes bet that pool of brown and Emily could tell something was a bit off not bad just off.

"Are you ok Jayje?"

"Yeah just a bit startled that's all"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you "

"No no its ok ,it was sweet, I'm glad I made you come with me last night"

"Me to"

"But what prompted that wakeup call" she asked in her best accusation voice.

"You don't know Agent" Emily spat back

"Well I mean I can't look that good sleeping"

"No but you sure sounded good"

"What are you talking about?"

Emily burst into laughter looking at the woman she had a confused look on her face

"Agent Prentiss I'm waiting"

"You don't remember you were having an awfully good dream."

She watched as that pale face turned a bright shade of red JJ felt a smile cross her lips as she began laughing also.

"I'm so sorry"

"It's ok it was cute….just like you"

JJ turned her head away from the brunette it had been a long time that she had been called cute in anything other than sarcastic terms and now it was being said by someone she loved. Emily watched as the blonde shied away she was worried for a second and then caught a glimpse of a smile. She cupped her hand and placed it on that pale cheek turning her face back to her and leaning in to kiss her gently.

"Aw did I make you blush" Emily asked playfully

"Shut up"

"Make me "

"As you wish" and with that JJ leaned forward pushing the other woman down on the bed she was hovering on top of her. Bushing her lips against the others cheeks and forehead but not kissing her just yet. Emily was nearly breathless as she watched the beautiful blonde above her, she was never one to let another take control, but this was JJ the only person she trusted more than Derek and then again those were for very different reasons. She felt the others hands moving around her body though her hair and down her arms. However it was that slip of the hand into her shirt that let out a small sigh. She would have let out another but was silenced by a kiss. It was a kiss that began sweet lips softly pressed to one another but then gained passion quickly Emily was so lost in that kiss she hadn't noticed JJ had pushed her shirt up to her neck. It was the blonde who broke the kiss sliding down and kissing that tan and toned stomach.

"mmmmm" Emily Moaned

JJ pulled back and looked into her love's eyes and giggled. She tugged the shirt back in place and watched.

"No fair" Emily cried

"Got you quite didn't it"

The blonde got up and sat on the edge of the bed she could tell Emily was mad but dam it was hot and she knew the more she could make her wait the better it would be.

"You shouldn't start things you don't intend to finish"

"Yes but watching you squirm is so much fun"

"Brat"

"Yup" she stood up and walked to the bedroom door she turned back to the brunette and winked.

"Coffee?" she asked her.

"Always"

Emily watched as JJ walked out of the room and toward the kitchen. She smiled and shook her head before getting up and heading into the living room.

She hoped onto the couch just as JJ had started the coffee pot she watched as the blonde slowly made her way over to her. JJ was about to sit when Emily grabbed her and pulled her down into her arms she was now sitting on the couch with JJ curled next to her; arms wrapped protectively around the younger woman. The Blonde nestled her head closer into Emily's Neck and made a small purring sound. As the room slowly filled with sunlight and the smell of coffee filled the air the Agent brushed her fingers through the golden strands resting on her.

"Perfect" she sighed.

"I know " the blonde chimed back.

Leaning down as kissing the top of her head "yes you are sweetie, but I meant this"

"I know , I feel it too"


	7. perfection

_A/N:: hey yall sorry this update took so long, but I work in theatre and we have had like 3 tec weeks in a row (that's the week prior to opening also known as hell week) so shoutout to all my theatre/artist peeps who understand. also one of my sisters is getting married in a little over a week so been dealing with that. on top of having major writers block. anyway I love reviews follows and favs you guys are the best also if anyone cares you can follow my fanish account on insta ice_queen_lost ok enjoy chapter seven::::_

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This felt right, almost like a dream, the woman she loved laying in her lap and the smell of coffee filling the apartment she couldn't help but wonder if this was real she let out a long sigh.

"You ok" Emily looked down at JJ wondering if she had done something.

"Perfect… all of this is prefect" the blonde smiled as she stroked the older woman's thigh.

"That's because you're perfect" she leaned down and left a light kiss on Jenifer's forehead as the buzzer for the coffee pot rang out.

JJ leapt up from her seat nearly knocking Em off the couch, as she ran into the kitchen. The Agent sat there laughing before staggering to her feet. She found JJ in the kitchen with two cups of coffee.

"You really love your coffee babe"

"Yes I do" she flashed a smile as she handed Emily the other cup and they walked back to the couch.

They sat side by side coffee in hand feet up on the coffee table silent. They both wished they could stay like this forever but sooner or later they would have to get back to the real world and the evils they saw there. But for now the day was just beginning and they need not worry of work for at least a few more hours at least. It was Emily who broke the silence by letting out a long sigh.

"Work tomorrow "JJ asked

"Yeah I just, this us it's been amazing but what." She was cut off by the blonde

"What happens tomorrow, is what happens every other work day Em, nothing changes between us"

"So this is what then" Emily asks "a weekend fling without the sex"

"No Em come on I didn't mean it like that"

"Then explain it to me jayje, because it's sounding like"

"stop right there Emily , I do love you but come on we haven't even been on a date we don't even know if this is going to work and we haven't spent more than five minutes apart, and you what, want to tell the whole team" the blonde states matter of factly.

"I'm sorry I guess you are right, I'm just so happy to finally have you in my life like this, that it just seems that we already did the dating you know"

JJ lets out a laugh "I know Em I sort of feel that way too but at the same time there are so many things we don't know about each other and what if we don't like those things"

Emily was a bit taken aback by Jenifer's words, she thought the blonde knew almost everything about her , was there more that JJ was hiding something bigger then what she had learned the night before or maybe she just meant the little things but still it was a bit concerning. And what was there to not like.

"I really don't think there is anything I won't like about you jay" Emily stated sweetly

"You say that now Em" JJ scoffed

"Jennifer come on, you know I think you are the most amazing person in the world right?" Emily asked her.

"Sure Emily" came the whispered reply

"I mean it you are beautiful, strong, smart, loving and I am so lucky to call you my best friend"

JJ just gave the other agent a shy smile and looked toward the floor. But it was that smile that told Emily everything she needed to know. This was JJ, the small town farm girl, not supervisory special Agent Jennifer Jareau. This was a woman who saw too much evil too young and who had been so busy loving other people and fighting to get out of small town life she never really learned to love herself. It was that moment that Emily knew she would have her work cut out for her. Loving JJ was the easy part when she thought about it Loving JJ had been the easiest thing in the world. The problem would be getting JJ to love herself that much.

While Emily had been lost in thought JJ Had moved to the other side of the couch she had started to zone out a bit and had yet to take her eyes off the floor. The older woman reached for the blonde's hand making sure she had made eye contact before speaking.

"JJ sweetheart , how about a real date, this weekend say Saturday night , I mean baring any cases "

"I would really love that Em; I haven't been on a date in years" the blonde smile

"Well then you are in for a treat, because I intend to spoil my favorite girl"

"Oh no, you don't have to"

"But I want to, it's been a while for me too and there is no one in my life I think deserves a special night more then you"

"And if we have a case should we maybe pick another night" the blonde said

The subject change was not lost on the brunette she just chose not to fight it.

"If that happens, we will talk about it then" Emily told her

"ok"

"so what do you want to do today , we could go get lunch at that café you like by the park and then I can take you home , or we can stay here and watch t.v and order in" the brown eyed agent said.

"as much as I would love to stay here, it is a nice day outside we both could use the fresh air, and I really do have to get home at some point"

JJ stood up from the couch before reaching for Emily's hand to pull her up and into a light kiss they smiled at each other as Emily took the coffee cups to the kitchen and JJ went to dress and make sure she had all her things. As the blonde changed and gathered her belongings she thought about the weekend the things she had told Emily and her feelings. JJ hadn't told Emily yet that she had never actually been with a woman she had kissed one or two in college but it had stopped their and she had never pressured a romantic relationship with one. The ideal didn't bother her she had always known she was attracted to both genders but had just never found the right woman but as she walked out of the room and saw Emily bent over the back of the couch in jeans that hugged her perfectly and a tight t shirt she knew everything would fall into place.

"Ready to go" the blonde asked causing the brunette to spin around on her heels.

"Uh yeah, sorry didn't hear you come in"

"It's ok I was enjoying the view"

Emily blushed "I'm sure you were, come on you I'm starving"

And with that Emily took JJ's hand and they left the apartment for the first time in two days.


End file.
